st3ph3r

went home form the party at taiki's last night
i'm so bummed i didn't see all the action! hahahaha
and spent the rest of my night talk to christian
wooooooooo

Call me a safe bet; I'm betting I'm not.

Today was Jared's birthday.
I'm not sure if I should care or not.
I called to wish him a happy birthday, and all I got for a reply was:
" Good to know you care"




I have never felt more lonely.

Everything is finally in place, and I'm not sure if I like it. Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I had never moved. If i would still have a close relationship with my family or if I would still be dating Jared. I wonder what I would be like this second if I was still back home. But I've learned to put that behind me. I'm happy with who and what I am. I'm happy to be where i am in life. And I'm happy to have such close relationships with such amazing people.

i love my best friend
i'm so happy she came to visit

earthfest was fun today. we met up with so many random people and then went to newbury street and took pictures of BUNNIES. leila and nick are playing wii right now and we're about to watch tv downstairs. i really don't want her to leave. :(

So Leila's coming tomorrow. I'm nervous and excited at the same time.

Oh and I got my SAT scores, a 1375. I guess in ' normal' test terms that's an 81. Why am I so retarded? I guess I'll have to retake them.

Prom was so much fun.
5 days!

Death Cab is an amazing band. I'm so happy i've seen them every year for 3 years.

I'm not that excited for prom, honestly. I mean, I'm going alone and it's not a big deal but I feel like it's lame. I got asked by 3 people but i said no to all of them. I feel like i put myself into such stupid situations.

I'm talking to jared again. He wants me to be his girlfriend again. For the fifth time. Hes coming to visit me when his school is out. I'm not sure when college's have their summer breaks but i hope it's soon.

Leila's coming in a week. I'm so happy. I can't wait to spend time with her and just talk about every single thing. I'm so happy she's okay. I love her like a sister and i don't think anyone has ever been as close to me like she is. We've gone through so much, from trying X for the first time to seeing someone get brutally beat, we've seen it all.

I'm really anticipating summer. I want to see the sky be it's beautiful hue of blue and for the grass to turn bright green already.

My dad got a card from an author today. She told him she wants to read my stories. I guess she's some big hot-shot and owns a publishing company for dark stories. I have an appointment with her sometime next week and I've never been more nervous. It would be amazing to get published. Absolutely amazing.

Things are so weird lately. One of my old bestfriend's is now wanting to hang out with me again. We had such a big fight and hurt eachother and it's so strange to be talking to one another again. I don't like how it feels to lose someone then get them back. It's just not right.

I've been drawing alot lately. I've drawn a portrait of everyone i care about and lately i keep drawing large eyes. That are bloodshot.
So weird.

Last night turned out to be so much better then I thought it was going to be.

So Leila's not coming anymore. I don't know how I feel about that. Everything is weird lately. I'm seeing things through a different perspective. I'm trying to figure out who I am. And It's hard.

I'm so sick of everyone at Sandwich High. Like, walking into school I just feel pissed off i have to spend my time with such pathetic people. I just wish things were the way they were 2 years ago. Everything was perfect then.

I just need to leave. Free my mind. And stop sulking everyday.

I'm talking to Jared now on a daily basis. We haven't really talked about what has happened over the past two years but i'm sure it's better that way. He's so special. And so unique. And everytime I talk to him I remember why I fell in love with him. But I'm just chasing a ghost now, he has a girlfriend now.

But whatever, things will end before they start.